When Someone Says Something You’re Not Sure About

Why It Matters

People will tell you things all your life. Friends, classmates, people on the internet, even teachers and parents. Most of the time, what they say is true or at least close to true. But sometimes it isn’t. And you need to know what to do in that moment.

The two most common mistakes are: believing everything without thinking, and rejecting everything because you’re stubborn. Both are lazy. The good path is in between: listen carefully, ask questions if something doesn’t seem right, and make up your own mind based on what you can figure out.

This doesn’t mean being suspicious of everyone. It means being a thoughtful listener. A thoughtful listener takes in what people say, turns it over in their mind, and decides whether it fits with what they already know.

The hardest part is doing this when the person talking is someone you like or someone who seems very confident. Confidence isn’t proof. Liking someone isn’t proof. Those things make you want to believe — but wanting to believe isn’t the same as having a reason to believe.

A Story

The Shortcut Through Miller’s Field

Every day after school, Priya walked home the long way around Miller’s Field — down Oak Street, past the library, and up the hill. It took about twenty minutes. One day, a fifth-grader named Devin told her and a group of younger kids, “You know you can cut through Miller’s Field, right? It saves ten minutes. I do it all the time.”

A few of the kids got excited. Ten minutes was a lot of time. Priya thought about it. She’d heard her mother say that Miller’s Field had a creek running through it that was hard to see until you were right on top of it, and that the ground was muddy on the far side. She wasn’t sure if Devin knew about that.

“Have you actually gone through there?” Priya asked. Devin paused. “Well, my cousin did. He said it was fine.” Priya noticed the shift: Devin had said “I do it all the time,” but now it was his cousin who had done it. She didn’t call him a liar, but she noticed.

“Is there a creek in there?” she asked. Devin shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably not.” Two of the kids decided to go with Devin anyway. Priya said, “I’m going to stick to the regular way today.” One boy looked at her like she was being a baby. That stung a little. But Priya had learned something important from her dad: the moment someone tries to make you feel dumb for asking questions is usually the moment you should ask more questions, not fewer.

The next morning, Priya found out that the two kids who went through the field had ended up stuck at the creek, muddy up to their knees, and had to be picked up by a parent. Devin hadn’t gone with them — he’d peeled off at the last minute to go to a friend’s house. Priya didn’t feel proud exactly. She felt grateful — grateful that she’d asked questions instead of just going along.

Vocabulary

Skeptical

Not believing something right away, but not rejecting it either. Being skeptical means you want to think about it more before you decide.

Peer pressure

The feeling of wanting to go along with what other kids are doing, even when you’re not sure it’s right. It’s a powerful force and everyone feels it.

Source

Where information comes from. “My cousin told me” is a different source than “I saw it myself.” Some sources are more reliable than others.

Pause

Stopping for a moment before acting or deciding. A pause gives your brain time to think instead of just reacting.

Guided Teaching

Let’s talk about what Priya did. She heard something from Devin. She didn’t say “You’re lying!” She didn’t say “You’re wrong!” She just asked a question: “Have you actually gone through there?”

What did she learn from that one question? She learned that Devin hadn’t actually done it himself. His story shifted from “I do it all the time” to “my cousin did.” That’s important information.

Does it mean Devin was definitely wrong? No. Maybe the shortcut is fine most of the time. But the fact that he changed his story was a signal worth noticing. Priya didn’t ignore the signal just because Devin was older and sounded confident.

Here’s something that’s hard but important: when other people are going along with something, it feels really uncomfortable to be the one who says “I’m not sure about this.” Why do you think that is? Because nobody wants to feel left out or look scared. That’s peer pressure, and it’s one of the strongest forces in the world. It doesn’t go away when you grow up, by the way. Adults feel it too.

The trick isn’t to ignore peer pressure — you can’t, it’s a feeling. The trick is to feel it and still make your own decision based on what makes sense to you. Priya felt it. The boy made her feel like a baby. But she made her own choice anyway.

What are some polite ways to handle it when someone tells you something and you’re not sure? You could say: “That’s interesting — how do you know?” or “I want to think about that first” or “Let me check with my parents” or just “I’m not sure about that.” All of those are completely fine.

Here’s the key: you don’t have to prove someone wrong to decide not to follow them. “I’m not sure enough” is a complete reason. You don’t owe anyone a debate. You can just say “No thanks” and walk your own path.

Can you think of a time when you went along with something you weren’t sure about? What happened? And can you think of a time when you didn’t go along, even though it was hard?

For Discussion

1. 1.What did Priya notice when she asked Devin if he’d actually gone through the field?
2. 2.Why do you think the other kids went with Devin even though they didn’t know the field?
3. 3.Is it rude to ask someone “How do you know?”? Why or why not?
4. 4.What’s the difference between being cautious and being afraid?
5. 5.Can you think of a time when you felt pressure to go along with the group? What did you do?
6. 6.Priya’s dad told her that when someone makes you feel dumb for asking questions, you should ask more questions. Why do you think he said that?
7. 7.Was Devin a bad person, or was he just a kid talking big? Does it matter?

Practice

The Question Pause

1. 1.This week, pick two times when someone tells you something you’re not sure about. (It doesn’t have to be anything serious — it could be a friend saying “This is the best game ever” or a classmate saying “We don’t have homework tonight.”)
2. 2.Instead of just believing it or arguing, try the Question Pause:
3. 3.Step 1: Listen to what they said.
4. 4.Step 2: Pause for a moment (just a second or two in your mind).
5. 5.Step 3: Ask one question: “How do you know?” or “Where did you hear that?”
6. 6.Step 4: Decide what you think based on their answer.
7. 7.After each time, tell a parent or write down what happened. Did asking the question change what you decided to believe?

Memory Questions

1. 1.What did Priya do when Devin said they could cut through Miller’s Field?
2. 2.What does it mean to be skeptical?
3. 3.What is peer pressure?
4. 4.Why is it important to pause before deciding whether to believe something?
5. 5.What happened to the kids who went through the field without checking?
6. 6.What’s a polite way to respond when you’re not sure if something someone said is true?