Speaking Up for Someone Who Can’t

Why It Matters

In the last lesson, you learned about speaking up when you see something wrong. But what about when the person being treated unfairly can’t speak up for themselves? Maybe they’re too small, too shy, too scared, or not even there to defend themselves.

This is when your voice becomes more than just yours. It becomes a tool for someone else’s protection. Speaking up for yourself takes courage. Speaking up for someone else takes courage plus care — because you’re taking a risk for someone who may never be able to repay you.

But here’s the important balance: speaking for someone isn’t the same as speaking over them. When you use your voice on behalf of someone else, you’re not replacing their voice. You’re holding space until they can use their own.

A Story

Ben’s Lunch Table

There was a boy in second grade named Henry who had a stutter. When he talked, some words got stuck and it took him longer to get sentences out. Most of the kids were patient with it, but a few weren’t. At the lunch table one day, a kid named Marcus started mimicking Henry’s stutter every time Henry tried to talk. “W-w-w-what?” Marcus would say, and a couple kids laughed.

Henry stopped talking. He just looked down at his sandwich and went quiet. His face was red, and his eyes were shiny. He wasn’t going to say anything — standing up for himself meant talking, and talking was exactly what was being made fun of.

Ben was sitting across the table. He wasn’t Henry’s best friend, but he could see what was happening. His stomach tightened. He didn’t want to make things weird. But then he looked at Henry’s face and thought: if I don’t say something, who will?

Ben looked at Marcus and said, “Stop copying how he talks. He’s trying to tell us something and you’re making it so he can’t.” Marcus shrugged. “I was just joking.” Ben didn’t raise his voice. “It’s not funny to him. Look at him.” Marcus glanced at Henry, saw his face, and for once actually looked uncomfortable. He muttered “sorry” and went back to eating.

After lunch, Henry walked up to Ben in the hallway. It took him a moment, but he said, “Th-thanks for that.” Ben said, “You don’t have to thank me. You had something to say and he was blocking you. That’s not okay.” Henry nodded. It was a small moment, but Henry remembered it for a long time — not because Ben was a hero, but because Ben noticed.

Vocabulary

Advocate

Someone who speaks up on behalf of another person. An advocate uses their voice to help someone who can’t speak for themselves in that moment.

Vulnerable

In a position where you can be easily hurt or taken advantage of. People are vulnerable when they don’t have the power to protect themselves.

Defend

To protect someone from unfair treatment. You can defend someone with actions, but you can also defend them with words.

Mockery

Making fun of someone in a way that’s meant to make them feel small. Mockery often targets the things a person can’t change about themselves.

Solidarity

Standing with someone, especially when they’re being treated unfairly. Solidarity means letting someone know they’re not alone.

Guided Teaching

Think about why Henry couldn’t speak up for himself in this situation. The very thing being mocked was his voice. Defending himself meant stuttering in front of the person making fun of him for stuttering. How would that feel? Why was it especially cruel to mock someone’s speech?

This is an important idea: some people can’t speak up for themselves, not because they’re weak, but because the situation is stacked against them. Henry isn’t weak. He’s a kid dealing with something hard, and the mockery targeted exactly the tool he’d need to fight back. That’s why he needed someone else to step in.

Ben noticed something that a lot of kids at that table probably noticed too. The difference is that Ben decided it was his responsibility to say something. Why do you think the other kids stayed quiet? Were they bad people?

Probably not. They were uncomfortable. They didn’t know what to say. They didn’t want Marcus to turn on them. Those are real feelings. But the result of their silence was that Henry was left alone. Ben chose to feel uncomfortable in a different way — the discomfort of speaking up instead of the discomfort of staying quiet.

Look at what Ben said: “Stop copying how he talks. He’s trying to tell us something and you’re making it so he can’t.” He didn’t call Marcus a bully. He didn’t say Marcus was a terrible person. He named the behavior and its effect. Why is it more effective to name the behavior than to attack the person?

Marcus said, “I was just joking.” That’s the same kind of dismissal Victor used in the last lesson. Ben’s response was powerful: “It’s not funny to him. Look at him.” He redirected Marcus’s attention to the person he was hurting. That’s harder to dismiss than an argument about whether jokes are okay.

Here’s the part about speaking for versus speaking over. Ben didn’t say, “Henry feels terrible right now!” or “Henry wants you to stop!” He didn’t put words in Henry’s mouth. He spoke about what he could see happening. Why is it important not to put words in the mouth of the person you’re trying to help?

Because when you speak over someone, even to defend them, you’re still taking away their voice. The goal isn’t to replace them — it’s to clear the way so they can speak when they’re ready. Ben cleared the way, and after lunch, Henry found his own words to say thank you.

For Discussion

1. 1.Why couldn’t Henry speak up for himself in this situation?
2. 2.What made Ben’s response effective? What did he say, and what did he not say?
3. 3.What’s the difference between speaking for someone and speaking over them?
4. 4.Why did Marcus say “I was just joking”? Was that an honest response?
5. 5.Can you think of a time when you wished someone had spoken up for you?
6. 6.How do you know when to speak up for someone versus letting them handle it themselves?
7. 7.Why did Henry remember this moment for a long time? What made it matter so much to him?

Practice

The Advocate’s Words

1. 1.Think of someone in your life who sometimes has a hard time speaking up for themselves — maybe a younger sibling, a shy friend, or someone who gets picked on.
2. 2.Imagine a situation where they’re being treated unfairly and can’t speak up. Write down what you would say to help.
3. 3.Remember the rules: name the behavior, describe its effect, but don’t put words in the other person’s mouth.
4. 4.Practice saying your words out loud with a parent. Have the parent play the role of the person being unfair.
5. 5.Discuss with your parent: when is it right to step in, and when should you let the person handle it themselves?

Memory Questions

1. 1.Why was it especially hard for Henry to speak up for himself?
2. 2.What did Ben say to Marcus? Why was it effective?
3. 3.What does “advocate” mean?
4. 4.What’s the difference between speaking for someone and speaking over them?
5. 5.Why did Henry remember the moment in the cafeteria for a long time?
6. 6.When should you step in to speak for someone, and when should you let them speak for themselves?