Level 1 · Module 8: Who Do You Want to Be? · Lesson 5

What You Want to Be Known For

reflectioncharacter-virtue

Imagine being very old and looking back on your life. What would you want people to say about you? Not about what you owned or what jobs you had — but about who you were. What you want to be known for is worth thinking about now, while you are still becoming it.

Why It Matters

Here is an exercise that might sound a little strange: imagine yourself very old — eighty or ninety years old — sitting quietly and looking back at the long stretch of your life. What do you hope it will have been? Not the highlights you might tell at a party, but the thing underneath — the quality of the person who lived it. What would you want to be true?

Most people, when they think about this honestly, discover that the things they care about most are not the things they typically spend the most time on. They don't hope they will have been the richest. They don't hope they will have owned the nicest things. They hope they will have been loved, and that they will have loved well. They hope they will have been honest and kind and worth trusting. They hope they will have done something that mattered.

Here is the remarkable thing: those qualities — the ones you hope will be true at the end — can be worked toward right now. You don't have to wait until you're older to start becoming the kind of person you want to have been. The best time to think about who you want to be is now, because now is when you are doing the building. By the time you look back, most of the building will already be done.

Thinking about what you want to be known for is not a morbid exercise — it is one of the most clarifying and exciting things you can do. It cuts through the noise of what is fashionable or impressive or immediately satisfying and asks the deeper question: what actually matters? And once you have some answer to that — even a partial, tentative, young person's answer — it becomes a compass. Something to steer toward.

A Story

What Grandpa's Friends Said

When Zara was eight years old, her grandfather passed away. He had been very old — eighty-three — and had lived a full life. She had known him her whole life, and he had always seemed the same: calm, unhurried, funny in a quiet way, interested in things, careful with his promises.

At the gathering after his funeral, Zara sat in the corner and listened to the things people said about him. They said a lot of things about places he had lived and jobs he had held, and she knew some of those stories. But the things that made her feel something were the other ones.

His friend Bernard said: 'He was the most honest man I ever knew. Not rude-honest — kind-honest. He always told you the truth, and he always told it gently.' His former colleague said: 'He was the person I called when I didn't know what to do, because he always helped me think more clearly.' His neighbor said: 'He stopped to talk to my kids every time he saw them, like they were just as interesting as anyone else.'

Zara's grandmother held her hand and said quietly, 'Your grandfather used to say that he didn't care what people said about him while he was alive. He cared what they would say when he wasn't there to defend himself.' She smiled. 'He always said: try to make that a good story.'

Zara thought about this for a long time. She thought: nobody mentioned his car. Nobody mentioned how big his house was. Nobody mentioned what his salary had been. They talked about who he had been — the kind of person he was when you were in the same room with him, or when you needed something, or when you were small and he still made you feel seen.

She decided on the walk home that this was what she wanted too. Not to be famous. Not to be the richest. She wanted, when she was very old, to have someone say something like what they said about her grandfather. She didn't know yet exactly what it would be. But she knew what it felt like to hear. And she decided to start figuring out how to become that.

Vocabulary

Legacy: What you leave behind — not possessions, but the mark you made on the world and the people in it. A legacy is built by how you lived, not by what you owned.
Eulogy: A speech or words shared about someone after they have died, describing who they were and what they meant to others. What people say in a eulogy is often the truest summary of a life.
Known for: What people think of when they think of you — not just your name, but your character, the quality you brought to your relationships and to the world.
Compass: A tool that tells you which direction you're going. Knowing what you want to be known for acts like a compass — it helps you choose, day by day, the direction that leads there.
Clarifying: Making something clearer and easier to see. Asking 'what do I want to be known for?' is clarifying — it cuts through the noise and shows you what actually matters.

Guided Teaching

There is a thought experiment that wise people have used for a very long time: imagine looking back at your life from the very end of it. What do you hope to see? What do you hope was true? This is not a sad exercise — it is one of the most useful and clarifying things a person can do. Because what you hope to see at the end tells you what really matters. And what really matters is worth heading toward now.

Here is something interesting: when researchers ask elderly people what they would have done differently, very few say 'I wish I had earned more money' or 'I wish I had bought nicer things.' Most of the regrets are about relationships and character: I wish I had been a better friend. I wish I had been more honest. I wish I had told the people I loved that I loved them. I wish I had spent more time on what mattered. These are the things that seem large from the end.

Notice what this tells us about what actually matters. It tells us that character is the point. Not achievement, not status, not how impressive your life looked from the outside — but who you were, how you treated people, whether your word was good, whether you brought something real into the lives of the people you knew. These are the things that feel large in the long view.

So: what do you want to be known for? Not the full answer — you are eight years old and the answer will grow and change as you do. But a beginning. A direction. A quality or two that you want to be genuinely true of you when you are old. Think about the people you most admire — what is it about them that you admire? That admiration is a clue about what you value. And what you value is something you can build toward.

The important thing is that this is not just a nice thought — it is a compass. Once you have some sense of what you want your life to add up to, you can look at your daily choices differently. Not 'what do I feel like doing right now?' but 'what would the person I am becoming do here?' That question — asked honestly and regularly — is one of the most powerful navigating tools a person can have.

And one more thing: this question is not separate from faith. For people who believe in God, part of the answer to 'what do I want to be known for?' involves what God made them to be and what God cares about. The qualities that matter in the long view — love, faithfulness, honesty, kindness, justice — are also the things that God cares about. Orienting yourself toward them is not just good ethics. It is also a response to who you were made to be.

Pattern to Notice

When you have to make a decision, try asking yourself: which of these choices is the one that the person I want to become would make? This question cuts through the noise of the immediate moment and connects the small choice to the bigger direction. You do not have to ask it every time — but it is worth having available.

A Good Response

A child who has learned this lesson has begun to develop what might be called a long view of themselves. They are not only thinking about what they want right now — they are beginning to think about who they want to have been. This makes their daily choices feel more meaningful, and it gives them a direction that does not depend on other people's approval.

Moral Thread

Purpose

Purpose is what happens when you ask not just what you want, but what you want to become and what you want your life to mean. Even at a young age, orienting yourself toward this question is one of the most important things you can do.

Misuse Warning

Legacy-thinking can become unhealthy when it is about being remembered and admired rather than about genuinely becoming good. If a child becomes primarily focused on their reputation — on what people will say about them rather than on who they actually are — they have turned this lesson backwards. The goal is not fame or a good eulogy. The goal is actually becoming the person that a good eulogy would describe. The orientation is toward genuine character, not toward appearance. Also: be careful not to make this lesson feel heavy or morbid. For 6-8 year olds, the thought experiment of being very old is abstract and should be held lightly. The point is the compass function — having a sense of what matters and using it to guide daily choices — not existential gravity about death. Keep it forward-looking and hopeful.

For Discussion

1.If you could hear people describing you at the end of your life, what three words would you most want them to use?
2.In the story, what did people say about Zara's grandfather? Which things made Zara feel most moved?
3.Why did nobody at the gathering mention his house or his money? What does that tell us about what matters?
4.What is the difference between what you want to own and what you want to be known for?
5.What does knowing what you want to be known for have to do with the choices you make today?
6.Is there someone in your life who you already admire for their character — not their accomplishments? What makes them admirable?
7.What is one quality you would want to be genuinely true of you by the time you are grown up?

Practice

The Three-Word Promise

1.Think quietly for a few minutes about what you want to be known for. Not your achievements — your character. The kind of person you want to be.
2.Choose three words that describe that person. Write them down somewhere important — in a journal, on a card you can keep, somewhere real.
3.Look at each word and ask: what is one thing I could do this week that would be true to this word? Write one action for each word.
4.At the end of the week, ask yourself honestly: did I live toward these words? In what way? Where did I fall short, and what would I do differently?

Memory Questions

1.What is a legacy, and how is it built?
2.What did people say about Zara's grandfather that mattered most?
3.Why did nobody mention what he owned?
4.What does it mean for 'what you want to be known for' to work like a compass?
5.What are three words that describe the person you want to become?
6.What is one choice you could make today that points toward one of those words?

A Note for Parents

This lesson introduces the concept of a personal legacy or telos — what a life is ultimately for and aimed at. This is a profound philosophical question that children at this age can engage with at a preliminary, intuitive level. The goal is not to make them feel the weight of mortality but to help them orient their daily choices toward something larger. The thought experiment of imagining themselves very old can be done very briefly and lightly — you might help your child imagine it through a simple question: 'What would you hope your best friend would say about you when you're really, really old?' This grounds the abstraction in relationship and character rather than accomplishment. The observation about what elderly people actually regret is worth sharing honestly. There is real research on this, and it consistently confirms what wisdom traditions have always said: character and relationships are what matter in the long view. This is not a lecture to give your child — it is a truth to wonder at together. The 'three-word promise' exercise is the setup for the capstone lesson (el-l1-m8-l6), which will build on it directly. Save what your child writes — it will be meaningful to refer back to in the final lesson.

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